fiddlestix

I don't know what happened.  I was writing along and apparently hit a wrong key and everything I wrote including the picture disappeared. 

I'm being nagged to update this so I'm trying.  So much has happened  that I don't know where to start.  Richard is still in the Alz unit at the nursing home and seems to be content.  I don't think he knows where he is but he also doesn't know where he isn't and thats ok.  He's always glad to see me, knows who the kids and I are and yet is ok when we leave. 

Kacie and Jimmy and Carter got married. He had a good time at the wedding then took a 3 hour nap.

Kaila, my grand-daughter had a baby girl, Sophia who is just darling.  Her grandfather, our son Bryan fell head over heels in love the minute he saw her.  It was cute.  Sophie is a month old now. wow, time flies.

Amanda and Shag are getting divorced and that makes me sad but things happen--or don't happen.

I'm doing quite a bit of knitting but I haven't been taking pictures.  I'll work on that.

We've been snowed in for 3 days now, guess I'll go to work tomorrow, or at least try.  After breaking my leg two years ago, I'm so afraid of falling and breaking something else. 

Ok that's it.  Thanks for stopping by.  toodles....Anita

oh my gosh!

Hi I'm still here and going to try to get back in the swing of writing in this thing.  Life is just really really busy but I need to catch you up. 

How lucky can a girl get?

There is no better day to have your birthday than on Friday the 13th.  Especially when it's the only one in the whole year!  I woke up this morning and thought "today is the first day of the rest of my life" come what may.  I was treated to breakfast at Jimmy's Egg, I went to work late (I don't know why I bothered) left after two hours and met Sally and Amanda for lunch--at Red Lobster!  Had a pedicure and a haircut (not at the same place).  Had lots of HB-days on Facebook, ate RL leftovers for supper and now I'm relaxing.  I began the projects on my LIST --it's kind of a pre-bucket list dealing with house repair so I can make some decisions about where I'm going to live, and just feel really good about the day.  Tomorrow, I'll get to spend time with Ellie and Holly--we share birthdays in August and have celebrated together for years, and then knit with friends!  Yep, life is  good--something I never thought I'd say again.  I know this is an odd picture to go with this post but I took that in the Yukon 3 years ago and I've always liked it.  So there!   that's it for now....

Reading and....

If you haven't read "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett, you should.  It's really good but it's also quite disturbing.  I'm listening to an audio version and I've got to tell you that I'm overwhelmed.  I love it. 

I don't know why I turn on the tv, there's really nothing to watch.

I think I'm caught in one of those hamster wheels running in circles.  I don't want to go to work, I don't want to stay home.  When I'm at work I keep thinking of all the stuff I need to do when I get home and when I get here all I want to do is sleep.  The houe is a mess.  Not a disaser but a mess.  I'm not tripping over trash or anything like that. I still can't see the top of my dining table but it's getting closer.  Life has just been such chaos since the day Richard ran away and the events following that defining moment.  Sometimes I wonder if there's a parallel universe and people are watching me on tv?!  I'm tired and grieving I guess.  I probably should go for some grief counseling. 

Ever since I broke my leg last year and spent 4 months in 1. a cast, 2. a boot, and 3. a splint my other knee and leg have hurts like crazy.  The cast, boot and splint mad walking a very uneven process and that's when it started and it just hasn't ever gone away.  Odd but quite uncomfortable. 

Let's see if I can think of anything else to complain about?  nope that's it for now! 

Talents I didn't know

I just discovered that I am "bi-stitchual".  Is that not the coolest thing.  I didn't even knbow this word existed.  It means I can knit and crochet both.  That's like being double-jointed which I am that too, but I was born that way and I had to learn how to be bistitchual. 

I like to make up new words.  For example lupper is when you have a meal in the middle of the afternoon instead of lunch and supper.  Lupper.  One can eat only two meals a day if they have brunch and lupper instead of breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Oddly enough I can't think of other words I've made up.  I suspect that I use them often enough that they no longer seem made up to me!  I know there's a web site where you can see new words made up by other people but I've lost it.  If anyone knows what it is let me know.  It was really fun to read. 

Still knitting on "Spring is in the Air".  I've got to pay better attention to my pattern.  I leave out yo's or drop stitches and have to tink back and re-knit.  I guess I've only been working on it for about a month but it seems like forever. 

And doing a little wedding planning.  They're doing most of their own planning but I get to help a little bit.

What's so funny?

I spend a lot of time looking for things funny.  Yes I said "things funny" not "funny things" cause I think there is a big difference.  I think I got this idea from George Carlin who pointed out really funny things about something that weren't obvious.  Such as "always do whatever's next" or "what does it mean to pre-board? do you get on before you get on?".  Just google George Carlin and you'll find lots of these.  Laughter is very important in life, it creates endorphins (I tend to think of them as tiny critters running around my brain tickling me), relieves pain, makes your face look better--all kinds of things.  But when circumstances are very sad (like a loved one with Alzheimer's) it becomes difficult to laugh.  So that's why I say to my self "self, you've got to find something funny today or create it if you can't find it". 

And that's how I got this story:  Richard now lives in a locked memory care unit in a nursing home.  It's sort of like he died but not quite.  He's never coming home again and the house can feel it and I definitely can.  Going to visit him is hard because I'm so sad when I leave but recently I became aware of this and it amuses me every time I go.   He has a roommate Vernon (whose name has been changed to protect the innocent) and neither of these men can remember each other.  They've lived together for a month now but each time upon entering the room Vernon introduces himself to Rich.  They shake hands and the next time they do it again!  It is really funny especially since I've witnessed it several times now.  When he leaves the room Rich will look at me with a confused expression and I'll say "do you know him" and he'll say "no, I've never seen him".  A couple times, I've gone in and Vernon will be sleeping and Rich will be standing beside the bed, hands clasped behind his back leaning forward slightly watching him sleep.  That one I can't figure out.  If Vernon were to wake up suddenly it would probably scare him half to death!  He'll come in the room and see me and say "oh excuse me I thought this was my room"  I'll say "it is come on in" and he'll say "I'll just go ask them where it is".  I've heard tales of Richard going into other's rooms  and they all do it.  Everytime we go to visit Rich spreads his arms wide, looks surprised, and says HI!  like he hasn't seen us in years instead of a couple days.  That kind of joy is hard to resist.  It's nice to be loved.   toodles.....Anita

just out of my mind...

Today I was driving down I-235 and a car getting on just barged over into my lane--not staying in her own lane at all and not looking.  If I hadn't been watching carefully, I would have hit her.  I slammed on the brakes and hit the horn and she flipped me off!!!  I couldn't believe it--she  cut me off nearly caused a wreck and blamed me!!  I swear.

Well guys are finally coming by to look at my roof.  That terrible hail storm we had in May totaled my roof which was only 3 months old. All the roofers have been so busy that they are just now making it by to give me estimates.  I have to get new siding too.  I really could use some down time.  My brain is exhausted with all the thnking and decision making I have to do these days. 

Rich seems to have settled in pretty well-did I already tell you that?  He's always happy to see me but it's okay when I leave too.  Sad...the long slow death. 

I'm knitting a "Spring is in the Air" shawlette.  It's crescent shaped, I like those better than triangles.  I'm using pink Lorna's Laces sock yarn and clear beads with a pink cast.  It's really going to be pretty and I'm enjoying the project too.  I'm really hooked on lace and the beads just add so much.

Did I mention that Kacie and Jimmy are getting married? In October.  I'm glad for them. 

I'm reading "Skein of the Crime" by Maggie Sefton.  It's okay, very light.  Her first few books weren't all that good but it's a knitting mystery and it fills a niche.  She's getting much better--has progressed to hardbacks from the paperbacks.  Monica Ferris also writes a needlework series and I really like her.  So many books, so little time.  I'm listening to James Pattrerson in  the car and I've got Debbie Macomber waiting on me.  Also Earlene Fowler, Carolyn Hart, and Susan Wittig Albert.   Like I said....

Well just thought I'd ramble on a bit, pretty quiet around here, stay tuned.....toodles, Anita

Friday-Friday-Friday

OK, so I was minding my own business (for a change), riding the elevator to the basement room in the medical building where our early onset support group meets.  I had taken my cell phone out of my pocket and set it to vibrate was attempting to put it back in my pocket when it leaped out of my hand.  It made an arc in the air--very graceful, slow motion--and as I watched in disbelief, fell straight down the elevator shaft thru that very small space between the elevator and the floor after the door opens.  Never even hit the sides just went straight down and through the opening.  My first thought was oh s--t, my second, well at least it wasn't my keys so I can get home and in the house...  If my life were being threatened and I had to drop that little sucker like that or die--I'd be dead.  There is no way I could have done that in a million years.  I can't even hit a dart board on purpose!  So I had to call the head maintenance guy the next morning and hope that it hadn't shattered when it hit bottom.  He rescued it still all in one piece and found it quite amusing when he returned it to me.  I fail to see that much humor in the situation but oh well, it takes all kinds!  I did discoer that I could be without a cell phone for 16 hours and survive.   So how's been your week ? 

My Fairy Name is Gossamer Moonwitch

Don't ask..... It isn't worth knowing.

My Fairy Name

spelling vs typing

I am actually very good at spelling. It's typing I'm a disaster at. Just though I'd share that little observation. toodles....Anita

Celebrate the Greatest Generation

Today is the 66th. Anniversary of D-Day. (If you don't know what D-day is---google it.)

My father E. E. (Red) Hern was part of the group of men who endured and survived that incredible event which changed his life forever. He was very young, as were I think most of the soldiers who fought in WW2. I'm going to write a portion of what he wrote down for us to have about his experience on June 6, 1944.

"I was part of the 146th. Combat Engineer Battalion, stationed in Englan, preparing for D-Day. We were divided into boat teams, 44 men on each team consisting of Army and Navy personnel. Everyone was trained for Demolition to blow the heavy steel obstacles designed to prevent boats from landing at high tide, and to destroy the German Teller mines.

We left England on an LST boat pulling the LCM barge where everyone would be loaded one hour before landing. The LST motor failed and the skipper (an "old" Navy man 33 years) made the decision to load everyone on the LCM so they could keep moving. We crossed in very stormy conditions and extremely rough water yet were in position to make our move inland to the shores of Normandy in France at low tide.

We, Dog Red Boat Team #6, landed at 6:27am--3 minutes before H hour at 6:30am on Omaha Beach, Normandy, France. We all carried C-2 explosives, gas masks, rifles, a bangolier which totaled about 100 lbs. (I think daddy probably weighed about 125 lbs. soaking wet).

As we were coming into Normandy, it was just breaking daylight. The Germans started to throw heavy artillery on us. The closer we got the heavier it got. Suddenly this day became real on top of being seasick! The skipper put us right on the beach (an amazing feat) but the first men to hit the ground were killed instantly. Due to such heavy opposition from the Germans the soldiers were unable to get the explosives tied and blow them before the second wave of men arrived in 20 minutes and were accidently killed, so they headed toward the sea wall."

Daddy said it took him 3-3 1/2 hours to reach the sea wall and by that time about 50% of the boat team had been killed or wounded. Later in the day, the remaining men went back to the beach to find the wounded and take them to the seawall for evacuation later to a hospital ship. Everyone able helped carry the men in because 7 of the 8 medics had been killed in the battle.

They had been up nearly 24 hours with only K-rations and candy bars to eat, if they had time to eat. At 3:30am the morning of June 7th. they were ordered to return to the beach to complete the blowing the obstacles. During this activity, daddy was hit by an 88 Artillery shell fragment and two of his buddies carried him back to the seawall. Unable to walk and with no medics, they carried him so he could stay with his outfit. He said, in about 3 weeks he was able to walk again.

He felt very proud to be a part of the men who defeated Hitler and established the liberation of Europe. The 146 Combat Engineers Battalion was awarded the Presidential Citation Award for Outstanding Service to Their Country Under Enemy Fire.

Thanks, Daddy to you and all the men just like you for keeping me and everyone I love free to be. I love you, your eldest daughter, Anita Faye.

Daddy died in 1995, forever a victim of war, yet a man proud of what he'd accomplished who loved the men he'd served with. At an Army Reunion a couple years later, his "Army Buddies" told me that daddy, with his always on and very quick sense of humor kept them going after this battle before they were picked up or rescued or whatever happened to them. They said he kept them laughing and moving even when he was injured. What a legacy.....

Some Pictures

Maybe two days is a bit early to celebrate blog enteries, but hey! it's important to celebrate things.

This is Carter, he's 3 now. Look at that expression, he is so onery but adorable. Here, he's about to terrorize the cat here. (I stopped him) Really all he wants to do is love her but she's stingy with her affection.

This is Richard and me about 2 days before we moved him to the assisted living. It hurst to even look at him.

This is some of my Early Onset Support Group. They are my heroes. They are courageous caring people who struggle with the craziness of Alzheimer's in their spouses. Both caregivers and spouses are mostly in their 50's or early 60's. Lisa's (at the end of the table) husband just died at age 57 and he'd been sick for 10 years. It's tragic disease. The long slow death.

This is good for now. We'll talk more later! toodles..........

I'm back maybse I hope so we'll see

Well hi how are you? I know it's beena long time since I posted. I probably don't have any readers left. Suffice to say that a LOT of things have been going on and I'm still trying to catch my breath and figure out where I am.
I am trying to get used to living alone now that Rich is in the Memory Care facility where he is about as happy as it's possible for him to be (not very) but he's adjusting and so am I. It's hard. I'm still knitting and trying to get used to cooking for one. I bought several goofy things like a bread machine that makes a 3/4 lb loaf and a 7-inch electric skillet (which is only good for eggs I think-too small for anything else!) but they seemed a good idea at the time!
I'm starting to play a little music now and then too. I've got the teaching gig at OU coming up later this month so I need to work on that. Bella, the cat and I are trying to get used to each other. She's really Richard's cat and isn't too happy living with just me but she'll get used to it. I've always been the one who feeds her anyway--go figure, you'd think she'd like me best!!
I hope to get some pictures posted soon-like today or tomorrow.

Okay, this is a beginning. I'll try to post a little more often now. If you read me, leave a comment and say hi. toodles.......

some pix

This is one of the buffalo that were painted for OKC during the Centennial. I drove past this one on my way to GYC during Nov. and Dec.


Carter and Papa studying something on the ground in the sunshine.


Pretty Kaila wearing her scarf of the Poppin yarn. She's our grand daughter. She was on the tail end of the flu here. and she still let me take her picture!

This is a close up of the ribbon yarn in a scarf.

close up of poppin scarf. This was hard to work with, at least to look the way I wanted it to.

The End and the Beginning

I feel like I should write something profound for New Year's Eve but I can't think of anything. So I"ll review the year:
January is a hit the deck running month. many events at work and nothing can start until Jan. Ice storm-slip and fall landing on my tailbone. ouch. going on a "yarn crawl" to St. Louis. So much fun! Kaila's birthday. Carter's birthday.
February: Winter ReadFest begins; I take Carolyn Hart on a 4 library tour. Such a nice lady. caregivers are arranged. we leave for yarn heaven. Second day out break my leg. not going to ruin trip. friends valiently lift me in/out/up/down and push wheelchair. I can't do.crutches and end up (once again) face down (with smashed nose) on the ground! have to miss Friends of Lib. booksale. darn.
March: trying to recover. caring for dementia husband while supposed to keep leg elevated! take William Bernhardt on 4 library book tour while in cast and on crutches. me not him. ohboy. Month finally ends. so does ReadFest.
April: fairly uneventful month. leg still in boot. hurts most of the time
May: attend "Lion King" performance. wow! what a show. matinees on Thursday afternoon aren't expensive! make note to self to remember this. teach autoharp et all classes in Tulsa for OU School of Music. fun.
June: busy work month, quiet personal month. challenges with Richard.
July: trip to Colorado with Village Tours. hard work but fun. beautiful country. went to top of Pike's Peak (which Mr. Peak never did) had dinner in a restaurant made from an airplane. cool.
August: went to Branson/Silver Dollar City with Deb, Joe, Mom, Tailor, & Kyoko. rather hectic and close in vehicle but fun. (note: once you've seen the Dixie Stampede show you've seen it. went several years ago and it hasn't changed)
September: not much new. same ole same ole at work. Luke & Co. (me) was entertainment at Aging Consortium Annual meeting. small but appreciative audience. I miss singing. Oklahoma State Literacy Conference happens. oh yes how could I forget? cataract surgery on each eye two weeks apart. was easy went well next to no pain but very expensive and all those eye drops!
October: just frequent challenges with Rich. started having seizures again. escaped from the day care-that was exciting!
November: good grief where has the year gone? cooked thanksgiving for us, Kacie, Jimmy, Carter, & Frankie. good time.
December: missed all the parties cause Rich got sick. started gift shopping about the 23rd. put small artificial tree up. major blizzard Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. couldn't get to shed to get ornaments. poor sad tree only had lights, 1 angel, 1 crocheted snowflake, and 2 red bells (that double as earrings) but it had a certain charm all its own. went to Deb's with Mom and all kids/grandkids. 6 children 3 & under. someone sceaming "mine" non-stop. kind of funny yet very noisy. our kids came on the 27th. and we had a really good time. So now it's New Year's Eve, Rich is in bed and I'm watching re-runs on tv and writing in this. I certainly hope your new year is as pleasant as mine is. Good night all.......and Happy New Year!

It's very white

It's very white outside and very cold and very windy. So much of all these things that basically all Christmas Eve Services in town nhave been cancelled. And that just doesn't happen in the Bible Belt. We personally have been in all day snug as a bug in a (knitted of course) rug. And also of course the tv stations were ecstatic 'cause they got to do "Blizzard 2009" coverage all. day. long. B o r i n g. The malls are going to be screaming cause they all had to shut down early although I heard some newscast person suggesting they stay open and let people who are stranded come in for warmth and sleeping. Not a completely bad idea I guess.

I finally decided to put up a tree and bought a really cute little 4 ft. artificial tree that I think will do me for the rest of our lives with lights already on it. White lights aren't my favorite but I'm planning to replace them with colored bulbs. (bulbettes? they're so tiny) However the Christmas are in storage in the shed out back and I can't get to it cause the snow has drifted up again the door, so...the lights may be the only decorations on it! There is one lone crocheted snowflake on it that I found on the floor and am really not sure where it came from?

I won some more of the lottery. Yesterday while grocery shopping I cashed in the previous winning ticket and bought another one (thereby reducing my previous winnings to $8) and glory be I won another $12. I may just win a whole million $12 at a time!! Stranger things have happened....maybe.

I'm working diligently on Mom's red shawl in hopes of having it finished by Monday to give to her when we go up for my aunt's funeral but I don't know if I will.

Okay think I'll go now. Sweet dreams of reindeers and a fat man in a red suit and world peace and sugarplums. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.....

Winning is Winning!

I won the lottery......well some of it anyway......$12 to be exact. Hey! It's $10 I wouldn't have already had (after deducting the cost of the ticket). winning is winning period. This is the second time I've won--$7 the first time--I must be very lucky.

Two days till Christmas and I still haven't done my shopping. I'm planning to get started this afternoon. I need no derogatory comments, chortles, or scornful/pitying thoughts thank you very much. I've been busy.... ;).

Apparently it's going to snow here for Christmas. Rich and I will be home alone so no traveling is a good thing. Our kids are coming over on the 27th. so that should work out just fine. I've got knitting projects to finish. A red shawl for my mother and some high-top tennys for my new great-nephew. I wonder why grandchildren are called "grand" and children of nieces and nephews are called "great" instead of "grand nephew or grand neice"? Does anybody know? or is it one of those do-do-do-do things?

My Aunt Lavonna passed away yesterday. She was the last of my dad's siblings. Now there's only all of us cousins left. Hopefully we will continue to see each other and not lose touch. I looked more like this aunt than her own children do and more like her than I looked like my dad. Genetics are a funny thing. Very interesting though. you know blue eyes vs brown eyes; red hair vs blonde/dark hair. very curious.

That's her in the middle at the birthday party last year. (Mom on the left and Uncle Darrel on the right) They all turned 80 in Oct. 2008, it was a fun party. We used to have huge family gatherings on that side of the family. Lots of kids to play with and lots of fun and this bunch has terrific funny bones. Lots of laughter. I remember once at a dinner we ran out of room on the table so everyone took turns holding one of the bowls until we all were fed. Perhaps you had to be there but it makes me laugh just to think about it. My Grandma Hern was famous for her chicken and noodles (made from scratch of course) and there was no way you were leaving her house hungry.

Well guess I'd better get busy. If we don't talk again then Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays to everyone. toodles.....Anita

All better!! Thanks for listening!

It's safe to read again. I feel much better today. I just can't get used to being a prisoner and being scared I'm going to die from all this stress. Life is very difficult and some days are harder than others. Besides which I love this man and it's devastating to watch him be destroyed by this horrible disease.

A picture of my Traveling Woman Shawl made of Fiesta Boomerang. btw I fixed the curling edges.

A fuzzy baby hat made of Erdal Eyelash and a darling but sleepy baby.

RANT ALERT

If you are not prepared to read a rant, then stop right now. I'm in tears I have no one to talk to so this is where I'm going.
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I exist and just barely. I have no life. This horrible disease is taking my life as surely as it's taking Richards. We don't have much entertainment anymore. If we go out we're always alone--rarely any invitations from (persons I perceived as) friends. Usually if we are with someone I've instigated it. One of our children is around frequently, one around regularly, and one seldom. Rich is reaching the point where I'm reluctant to leave him home alone so that means I don't get out very often either and not without lots of planning and I'm beginning to think why bother? There are people that will (sometimes) help if I ask but I get so tired of asking especially when they say no-- 2 or 3 no's and I get the picture. No one ever calls and offers (except for Rebecca who tries to take him 2 or 3 times a month for an evening so I can relax a little) There are places I can get help but it's an application process and I'm just so tired all the time. And then if it doesn't work out I'm so disappointed.

There were three party invitations today, one just for me and two for both of us. Knowing he couldn't handle two parties, especially after a busy morning with the church cantata I chose the one I knew he would enjoy the most--the one just for me was a given no, can't leave him alone. So what happens? He disappears about 3:00 and I hope he's just gone for a walk. He returns in about an hour and a half and he's doubled over in pain and goes straight to bed and practically passes out. I let him sleep for an hour, wake him and remind him of the party but his head hurts. I give him some Tylenol and he sleeps more. Finally I wake him again and he's still too sick to go...so here we are. He's in bed and once again I'm alone again--well always is what it feels like. There were two knitting events yesterday and I did leave him home and go to one for about 2 hours but I just didn't have the energy to arrange Richard-sitting for the evening event.

We've belonged to our church for over 30 years and we've been an active participating couple. We've given our time, talent, presence, money--that's what the Methodist Church asks of its members. I've tried to be of assistance where and when I was needed. But our minister never calls to see how we're doing or even asks when we're at church. The previous minister didn't either. I recall calling him when we first got the diagnosis and he suggested I call my mother and that was the last I heard from him. My best friend told me it was wrong to "expect" help from the church. This disease is destroying my faith. People say they pray for us all the time but I can't feel any positive effect. I really want to believe that God loves us but it feels more like He doesn't know we exist. Oh yeah and there's the one member who told me "no more playdates" after spending an afternoon with us. I can barely be civil to that man.

And no it's not time to put him in a nursing home. He still knows all of us and he'd die if I put him there. It's hard enough getting him to the adult daycare. He pretty much can't do anything for himself anymore, dressing, bathing, he can feed himself but can't fill a plate. He doesn't seem to know what anything is. It's hard to describe. I seem to be running out of steam finally.

Please don't leave any sympathy comments. I'm not asking for pity, I just need to tell someone.... And if you have a friend who needs help then don't wait for that person to call you--you call them and say I'm coming over. Believe me, they are dying on the inside and it's just a matter of time before they're gone completely.