The End and the Beginning

I feel like I should write something profound for New Year's Eve but I can't think of anything. So I"ll review the year:
January is a hit the deck running month. many events at work and nothing can start until Jan. Ice storm-slip and fall landing on my tailbone. ouch. going on a "yarn crawl" to St. Louis. So much fun! Kaila's birthday. Carter's birthday.
February: Winter ReadFest begins; I take Carolyn Hart on a 4 library tour. Such a nice lady. caregivers are arranged. we leave for yarn heaven. Second day out break my leg. not going to ruin trip. friends valiently lift me in/out/up/down and push wheelchair. I can't do.crutches and end up (once again) face down (with smashed nose) on the ground! have to miss Friends of Lib. booksale. darn.
March: trying to recover. caring for dementia husband while supposed to keep leg elevated! take William Bernhardt on 4 library book tour while in cast and on crutches. me not him. ohboy. Month finally ends. so does ReadFest.
April: fairly uneventful month. leg still in boot. hurts most of the time
May: attend "Lion King" performance. wow! what a show. matinees on Thursday afternoon aren't expensive! make note to self to remember this. teach autoharp et all classes in Tulsa for OU School of Music. fun.
June: busy work month, quiet personal month. challenges with Richard.
July: trip to Colorado with Village Tours. hard work but fun. beautiful country. went to top of Pike's Peak (which Mr. Peak never did) had dinner in a restaurant made from an airplane. cool.
August: went to Branson/Silver Dollar City with Deb, Joe, Mom, Tailor, & Kyoko. rather hectic and close in vehicle but fun. (note: once you've seen the Dixie Stampede show you've seen it. went several years ago and it hasn't changed)
September: not much new. same ole same ole at work. Luke & Co. (me) was entertainment at Aging Consortium Annual meeting. small but appreciative audience. I miss singing. Oklahoma State Literacy Conference happens. oh yes how could I forget? cataract surgery on each eye two weeks apart. was easy went well next to no pain but very expensive and all those eye drops!
October: just frequent challenges with Rich. started having seizures again. escaped from the day care-that was exciting!
November: good grief where has the year gone? cooked thanksgiving for us, Kacie, Jimmy, Carter, & Frankie. good time.
December: missed all the parties cause Rich got sick. started gift shopping about the 23rd. put small artificial tree up. major blizzard Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. couldn't get to shed to get ornaments. poor sad tree only had lights, 1 angel, 1 crocheted snowflake, and 2 red bells (that double as earrings) but it had a certain charm all its own. went to Deb's with Mom and all kids/grandkids. 6 children 3 & under. someone sceaming "mine" non-stop. kind of funny yet very noisy. our kids came on the 27th. and we had a really good time. So now it's New Year's Eve, Rich is in bed and I'm watching re-runs on tv and writing in this. I certainly hope your new year is as pleasant as mine is. Good night all.......and Happy New Year!

It's very white

It's very white outside and very cold and very windy. So much of all these things that basically all Christmas Eve Services in town nhave been cancelled. And that just doesn't happen in the Bible Belt. We personally have been in all day snug as a bug in a (knitted of course) rug. And also of course the tv stations were ecstatic 'cause they got to do "Blizzard 2009" coverage all. day. long. B o r i n g. The malls are going to be screaming cause they all had to shut down early although I heard some newscast person suggesting they stay open and let people who are stranded come in for warmth and sleeping. Not a completely bad idea I guess.

I finally decided to put up a tree and bought a really cute little 4 ft. artificial tree that I think will do me for the rest of our lives with lights already on it. White lights aren't my favorite but I'm planning to replace them with colored bulbs. (bulbettes? they're so tiny) However the Christmas are in storage in the shed out back and I can't get to it cause the snow has drifted up again the door, so...the lights may be the only decorations on it! There is one lone crocheted snowflake on it that I found on the floor and am really not sure where it came from?

I won some more of the lottery. Yesterday while grocery shopping I cashed in the previous winning ticket and bought another one (thereby reducing my previous winnings to $8) and glory be I won another $12. I may just win a whole million $12 at a time!! Stranger things have happened....maybe.

I'm working diligently on Mom's red shawl in hopes of having it finished by Monday to give to her when we go up for my aunt's funeral but I don't know if I will.

Okay think I'll go now. Sweet dreams of reindeers and a fat man in a red suit and world peace and sugarplums. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.....

Winning is Winning!

I won the lottery......well some of it anyway......$12 to be exact. Hey! It's $10 I wouldn't have already had (after deducting the cost of the ticket). winning is winning period. This is the second time I've won--$7 the first time--I must be very lucky.

Two days till Christmas and I still haven't done my shopping. I'm planning to get started this afternoon. I need no derogatory comments, chortles, or scornful/pitying thoughts thank you very much. I've been busy.... ;).

Apparently it's going to snow here for Christmas. Rich and I will be home alone so no traveling is a good thing. Our kids are coming over on the 27th. so that should work out just fine. I've got knitting projects to finish. A red shawl for my mother and some high-top tennys for my new great-nephew. I wonder why grandchildren are called "grand" and children of nieces and nephews are called "great" instead of "grand nephew or grand neice"? Does anybody know? or is it one of those do-do-do-do things?

My Aunt Lavonna passed away yesterday. She was the last of my dad's siblings. Now there's only all of us cousins left. Hopefully we will continue to see each other and not lose touch. I looked more like this aunt than her own children do and more like her than I looked like my dad. Genetics are a funny thing. Very interesting though. you know blue eyes vs brown eyes; red hair vs blonde/dark hair. very curious.

That's her in the middle at the birthday party last year. (Mom on the left and Uncle Darrel on the right) They all turned 80 in Oct. 2008, it was a fun party. We used to have huge family gatherings on that side of the family. Lots of kids to play with and lots of fun and this bunch has terrific funny bones. Lots of laughter. I remember once at a dinner we ran out of room on the table so everyone took turns holding one of the bowls until we all were fed. Perhaps you had to be there but it makes me laugh just to think about it. My Grandma Hern was famous for her chicken and noodles (made from scratch of course) and there was no way you were leaving her house hungry.

Well guess I'd better get busy. If we don't talk again then Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays to everyone. toodles.....Anita

All better!! Thanks for listening!

It's safe to read again. I feel much better today. I just can't get used to being a prisoner and being scared I'm going to die from all this stress. Life is very difficult and some days are harder than others. Besides which I love this man and it's devastating to watch him be destroyed by this horrible disease.

A picture of my Traveling Woman Shawl made of Fiesta Boomerang. btw I fixed the curling edges.

A fuzzy baby hat made of Erdal Eyelash and a darling but sleepy baby.

RANT ALERT

If you are not prepared to read a rant, then stop right now. I'm in tears I have no one to talk to so this is where I'm going.
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I exist and just barely. I have no life. This horrible disease is taking my life as surely as it's taking Richards. We don't have much entertainment anymore. If we go out we're always alone--rarely any invitations from (persons I perceived as) friends. Usually if we are with someone I've instigated it. One of our children is around frequently, one around regularly, and one seldom. Rich is reaching the point where I'm reluctant to leave him home alone so that means I don't get out very often either and not without lots of planning and I'm beginning to think why bother? There are people that will (sometimes) help if I ask but I get so tired of asking especially when they say no-- 2 or 3 no's and I get the picture. No one ever calls and offers (except for Rebecca who tries to take him 2 or 3 times a month for an evening so I can relax a little) There are places I can get help but it's an application process and I'm just so tired all the time. And then if it doesn't work out I'm so disappointed.

There were three party invitations today, one just for me and two for both of us. Knowing he couldn't handle two parties, especially after a busy morning with the church cantata I chose the one I knew he would enjoy the most--the one just for me was a given no, can't leave him alone. So what happens? He disappears about 3:00 and I hope he's just gone for a walk. He returns in about an hour and a half and he's doubled over in pain and goes straight to bed and practically passes out. I let him sleep for an hour, wake him and remind him of the party but his head hurts. I give him some Tylenol and he sleeps more. Finally I wake him again and he's still too sick to go...so here we are. He's in bed and once again I'm alone again--well always is what it feels like. There were two knitting events yesterday and I did leave him home and go to one for about 2 hours but I just didn't have the energy to arrange Richard-sitting for the evening event.

We've belonged to our church for over 30 years and we've been an active participating couple. We've given our time, talent, presence, money--that's what the Methodist Church asks of its members. I've tried to be of assistance where and when I was needed. But our minister never calls to see how we're doing or even asks when we're at church. The previous minister didn't either. I recall calling him when we first got the diagnosis and he suggested I call my mother and that was the last I heard from him. My best friend told me it was wrong to "expect" help from the church. This disease is destroying my faith. People say they pray for us all the time but I can't feel any positive effect. I really want to believe that God loves us but it feels more like He doesn't know we exist. Oh yeah and there's the one member who told me "no more playdates" after spending an afternoon with us. I can barely be civil to that man.

And no it's not time to put him in a nursing home. He still knows all of us and he'd die if I put him there. It's hard enough getting him to the adult daycare. He pretty much can't do anything for himself anymore, dressing, bathing, he can feed himself but can't fill a plate. He doesn't seem to know what anything is. It's hard to describe. I seem to be running out of steam finally.

Please don't leave any sympathy comments. I'm not asking for pity, I just need to tell someone.... And if you have a friend who needs help then don't wait for that person to call you--you call them and say I'm coming over. Believe me, they are dying on the inside and it's just a matter of time before they're gone completely.