Pity Party

It's been a tough week. You may not want to read this as I'm feeling very sorry for us.

The good news is that Bryan took Richard Saturday and Sunday and Rich had a wonderful time and I had some alone time which was nice. I did some knitting, reading and cleaning.

Then Tuesday, Rich had a heat stroke with a full blown seizure and I had to call 911 cause it scared me so. We spent 5-plus hours in the ER, him asleep while they ran tests and gave him IV's, me all alone--knitting/reading as usual. Our son came over on his lunch hour and I told the girls not to come, that he was okay and we'd be home soon, but none the less it was a really lonely afternoon. I kept thinking do I call anyone? who would that be? I did call our friend George who came over after work to see Richard. He's a very caring and loyal friend. No one ever calls me so do they want to know? People say "call me if I can help" but I'm sure hesitant to call when I never hear from anyone and when I do ask for help and none comes. Even our church! I haven't been to church for the last four Sundays but has anyone called to see if we're okay? no... Even our minister never checks on us and I sort of thought that came under the pastoral care category. The previous one didn't either but I never expected any thing from him!! He never even followed up after I got the diagnosis and hysterically called him and he suggested I call my mother. We've belonged to that church for over 30 years and I've done my best to give of my time, my money, and my talents, and it sure would be nice if I got some support but everyone seems to think we're contagious. Richard's friends have completely vanished. I hope after we get through this curse that I have more compassion for others than I'm receiving. I'm so alone.

Yesterday and today Rich is sick. All he wants to do is sleep and I'm at a loss as what to do here. Should I be worried or is this just the normal progression? I'm afraid to leave him here alone. It's a good thing this isn't written on paper cause tears are falling really hard on the keyboard!

Okay, I've vented a little bit--I don't really feel any better but I have no one to vent to. Who wants to listen when they might be the only person who's called me in the last month?? I think that comes under the heading of "preaching to the choir". I say to myself a doxen times a day "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called" and it helps as I seem to be taking care of Richard pretty well. I think I must have severe caregiver stress. gotta go get some kleenex. I should feel better later...... if you read all the way through this, I'm sorry for subjecting you to my misery, but I gotta tell someone and an anoymous blog screen seems to be it.